


Wicked Game

by silentlyyscreamingg



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek's POV, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2014-03-20
Packaged: 2018-01-16 09:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1342726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentlyyscreamingg/pseuds/silentlyyscreamingg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek had seen something in him that reminded him of when he was sixteen and still let the pain and fear show in his eyes. He wanted to protect him from that pain and fear, to keep him safe.</p>
<p>Or little snippets of how Isaac came to be a part of Derek's pack and how feelings may have developed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wicked Game

**Chapter 1: Twenty Years**

 

“My life was a wandering; I never had a homeland. It was a matter of being constantly tossed about, without rest; nowhere and never did I find a home.”

― Jan Amos Komenský

 

Derek had finally returned to Beacon Hills, and as for now, he was planned to stay. He had decided it was time to build a pack of his own. He didn’t want to be an Omega anymore, he didn’t want to have to feel like he was always looking over his shoulder. To put it simply, he was tired of constantly running. He wanted that feeling of pack that he hadn’t felt for so long.

 

The first time he saw Isaac he had seen something in him. Derek had seen something that reminded him of when he was sixteen and still let the pain and fear show in his eyes after what happened to Paige. Of course now it was all buried under the mask of anger he had so carefully constructed. After all, the only way to make it on your own is to bury all your weaknesses and let the rage take hold. Derek had been living in survival mode for such a long time it was all he knew how to do anymore, but Isaac stirred up memories in him. And for a fleeting moment, he felt small and unsure of himself, but he quickly brushed it away. He tried to scoff at the boy’s vulnerability, to mock him for what he perceived as weakness, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.

 

Derek simply chose to watch for the time being to see if he had a way in with Isaac. There was no point in asking if he wanted the bite if Isaac was only going to refuse. Derek had first seen him working at the graveyard in the middle of the night, so he decided to look for him at the school. He wasn’t hard to find having such a tall frame though he walked with his head down and his shoulders hunched as if he was trying to make himself look smaller. He wore a pair of ratty jeans and a baggy black sweatshirt which hung loosely over his thin chest. Derek couldn’t help but notice how afraid he looked even in broad daylight surrounded by people who should be his friends. He kept shooting nervous glances at everyone as if he was expecting someone to pull out a gun and start shooting or something.

 

Derek watched him for the entire school day, and he didn’t see Isaac talk to a single person. Everyone seemed to leave him alone none of his teachers even asked him to answer a question during class, so it wasn’t much of surprise when he sat alone during lunch. It was like everyone had decided it was pointless to engage him because he wouldn’t say anything anyway. _Weird,_ he mused. _Doesn’t this kid have any friends? Does he ever speak?_ Derek hung around for Isaac’s lacrosse practice, but didn’t really pay much attention to it. He found the coach and his damn whistle utterly infuriating. He had to wonder how that maniac managed to keep his job.

 

Finally, Isaac was headed home, and if Derek was being honest with himself, he was really curious to see where and who Isaac lived with. He knew something must be going on. What kind of sixteen year old kid was that withdrawn from his classmates? Derek thought he looked like a nice enough guy, so he didn’t see a reason why the other teens wouldn’t talk to him if Isaac wanted them to. That meant that for some reason Isaac _didn’t_ want them to.

 

“Isaac!” a harsh voice called, snapping Derek out of his musings once again. “You’re late.”

 

“Um…” Isaac stuttered looking around nervously. His voice was soft, but somehow softer than Derek had expected, like he was the kind of guy who would take in a stray kitten and nurse it back to health. Gentle. That was the word. His voice was gentle. “Yeah, Coach made us stay late at practice today.”

 

“What kind of pathetic excuse is that?” A man now stepped into view, and Derek could only assume it was Isaac’s father. “You think I’d believe something like that?”

 

“No, sir,” Isaac whispered so low Derek had to strain his ears to hear him. Isaac was staring at the intently at the ground like he was afraid to look his father in the eye.

 

“You little shit! I’ve had enough of this attitude of yours! Get in here, NOW!” Isaac’s father yelled and suddenly, he was grabbing Isaac’s arm and twisting it behind his back so far that Isaac yelped in pain. Isaac’s father pushed him up the porch stairs and shoved him into the house where Derek heard him fall with a dull thud. The front door slammed leaving Derek to process what had just happened.

 

He didn’t move a muscle; he didn’t even breathe. He could still hear shouting and the sounds of a struggle coming from inside the house, and if he used his wolf hearing he could probably hear what was being said, but he didn’t. He almost felt it would be an invasion of Isaac’s privacy. Why he would care about his privacy when he didn’t even really know Isaac was a question he couldn’t answer. But the shouting and the anger and the amount of power that Isaac’s father had over Isaac reminded him so much of Kate. It was almost too much. It made him sick. It made him want to scream, to destroy something, to kill her. He had been so naïve. And she had been so charming at first, but then she had been so angry and controlling and then before he knew how to get away from her, his entire family was dead, burned to death. They were dead because of him. That fact was never going to stop hurting him.

 

With a new burst of rage burning in his gaze to hide all the sadness and guilt, Derek turned from the house. He would go to the graveyard to wait for Isaac’s shift to start. If he knew anything about what Isaac was going through, he knew that, more than anything else, Isaac just wanted to feel safe. And giving him this power would give him the protection he was seeking. He would say yes. Derek knew he would. He might be unsure at first, might not agree to it immediately, but as soon as he had to suffer through another beating at the hands of a man who was supposed to love him, he would come back to Derek. He would say yes. And for some reason Derek was reassured by the thought of Isaac being safe soon. He was comforted by the idea of Isaac being protected as he waited in the silent graveyard.

 

“Home is a notion that only nations of the homeless fully appreciate and only the uprooted comprehend.”

― Wallace Stegner, Angle of Repose

 

**Chapter 2: Ungodly Hour**

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’  I do not agree.  The wounds remain.  In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens.  But it is never gone.”

– Rose Kennedy

 

The moon shone brightly in the sky though it was slowly shrinking from being full just a few days earlier. It was a beautiful night. The air was crisp, and the sky was crystal clear, so every star shone brightly in the inky blue. A soft breeze made the leaves on the trees sway just slightly.

 

Derek stood staring intently at the sky as if it held all the answers he had spent his whole life searching for. It was close to 3 in the morning, and everyone in Beacon Hills should have been asleep, but then again, Derek wasn’t like the rest of the people in town. Not to say that being a werewolf had anything to do with why he was outside staring at the sky in the middle of the night.

 

The truth was Derek hadn’t been able to sleep through the night in a long time. A lot of it was nightmares though he’d never confess to them. He’d wake up with the image of Paige, the fire, his family, or Kate burned into the backs of his eyelids so often that he wished he could rip his eyes right out if that meant he would stop being haunted by the sight of them. The rest was more of an uneasy feeling than anything else. He didn’t like how vulnerable he felt when he went to go to sleep. He didn’t appreciate feeling small and weak after he had spent so many years burying those feelings deep inside himself where he hoped no one would find them.

 

So instead of sleeping, he reflected on the time that had passed since he’d bitten Isaac. Erica and Boyd had soon followed Isaac in joining the pack, and they all let the sudden rush of power go to their heads. They were cocky, basking in their new strength and ability. _Except Isaac,_ Derek reminded himself. Sure, Isaac acted as cocky as Erica at times which, frankly, was hard to do, but that’s all it was, an act. Derek could see he was putting up a façade; he could see the pain that still lay barely hidden beneath the surface of his soft eyes. He was still just trying to protect himself.

 

And then, there was training. Erica and Boyd had reveled in the rush of drawing blood and breaking bones; they finally had the power to fight back, and they were more than eager to use it. Isaac was different. He hung back. Just as Derek thought the first time he heard him speak, Isaac was gentle; he was kind-hearted and quiet. Fighting just wasn’t in his nature. He put on a good front, but when it came down to it, he didn’t want to hurt anyone. Derek almost couldn’t comprehend it seeing as he had been living on his rage and instinct to fight for the better part of his life. He didn’t understand why Isaac didn’t hold more anger in himself over what his father had done to him. He yelled at Isaac and even twisted his arm until it broke during training once because that’s how he was taught to fight, but it felt wrong. Isaac’s eyes had burned into him, filled with betrayal so much so that Derek had to look away.

 

Isaac was the one member of his pack that he couldn’t quite figure out. His father had died shortly after Derek turned Isaac, so he was living with Derek while the other to still had families to go home to. Derek had known Isaac’s home life hadn’t been ideal; he’d seen Mr. Lahey drag his son into the house screaming himself. But seeing the nightmares Isaac had, Derek had realized what happened in that house must’ve been worse than he thought. He had decided to go back to Isaac’s house to see if it would reveal anything for him and that’s when he found the chains and the freezer. He couldn’t imagine what Isaac must have felt being locked in that thing; he shuttered at the mere thought. And yet, he couldn’t recall a time he’d heard Isaac speak about his father with even the smallest amount of contempt in his voice.

 

Derek was snapped out of his thoughts by an abrupt cry and a resounding thud. He hurried back into the train car to see Isaac, in some state between sleeping and waking, trying to curl himself into the smallest ball he could manage, his hands held over his head as if he expected someone to strike him.

 

Derek approached him quietly and deliberately got down to his level. “Isaac? It’s Derek.”

 

“No…please.” Isaac whispered.

 

“It’s okay. You’re safe, Isaac. You here with me?” Derek spoke calmly and gently having done this many times before.

 

“Derek?” Isaac’s eyes finally focused on him.

 

“Yeah, it’s me. You were having another nightmare.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Isaac mumbled looking down as he once again curled in on himself. Derek had never been particularly good at being comforting, but in moments like this, Isaac made him desperately want to be. Usually Derek would leave him be at this point. Give him privacy to collect his thoughts and pull himself back together. But something about the way Isaac was still trying to make himself disappear made him want to stay. He wanted to say something that would make a difference to Isaac, but what was he supposed to say?

 

He eventually slid down the wall until he was sitting next to Isaac, making sure to give him enough room, so he wouldn’t feel claustrophobic. “I get them too, you know.” Derek had spoken before he meant to. He wasn’t sure he had been ready to admit that. Isaac just peered over at him with his deep blue eyes, silently asking him to continue.

 

“Nightmares, I mean. I’m sure Stiles told you or you’ve figured it out on your own, but my family…they’re all dead. They died in a fire ten years ago. It was my fault, I mean, it is my fault that they were killed…” Derek paused and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. And that’s when he felt the gentle touch of a hand against his. He looked down to see Isaac’s hand holding his own and then back up to look at Isaac himself. He had a foreboding amount of understanding in his eyes. All Derek had really told him were the facts, but he knew that Isaac understood what he had left unsaid. Isaac’s lips turned upward in a gentle smile, and Derek was shocked to see that it wasn’t one of pity, but of understanding.

 

“Before my mom died, she loved to bake,” Isaac started.

 

“You don’t have to tell me, you know,” Derek said quietly, interlocking their fingers as he spoke.

 

“I want you to know,” Isaac replied simply and proceeded to rest his head on Derek’s shoulder. Derek stiffened in surprised but soon relaxed when he realized that he didn’t mind.

 

“So, my mom would always let me help her when she was in the kitchen. Sometimes Camden even helped too. It was just fun, you know? My mom was happy, so I was happy. Then, she died, and Camden wouldn’t really look at me after that. I guess maybe I reminded him too much of her. And my dad started drinking, and he started hitting me. I thought it would stop, but it only got worse. And I thought Camden would help me, but he pretended it wasn’t happening right up until he left for the army, and I never saw him again. That’s when my dad…he started locking me in the freezer when he didn’t think hitting me was enough of a punishment. He sometimes left me there all night. I just always thought that it was my fault because Camden never tried to help, and I knew the Whittemores could hear what was going on from across the street. No one ever said anything, so it just kind of felt like I deserved it. Maybe it was my fault that my mom died, and that’s why I my father did it.”

 

“No,” Derek said firmly. “None of that was your fault.”

 

“If none of it was my fault, then your family wasn’t your fault,” Isaac countered.

 

“You don’t know the whole story,” Derek sighed.

 

“It’s still not your fault,” Isaac insisted.

 

“Okay.” Derek made to get up to leave Isaac to get back to sleep, but Isaac grasped his hand more firmly.

 

“Could you stay?” Isaac asked softly, blushing slightly. “Maybe just until I fall asleep?”

 

“Okay,” Derek simply repeated, settling himself back down next to him. Isaac laid his head against Derek’s shoulder once more.

 

“Thanks,” Isaac mumbled.

 

Derek didn’t reply, choosing to squeeze Isaac’s hand to let him know he heard him. He closed his eyes and listened to Isaac’s heartbeat as it slowed slightly, and his breathing became deeper. Derek could have left, but for reasons he didn’t quite understand he wanted to stay. Isaac’s presence was oddly comforting, and in that moment, he almost believed what Isaac had said about the fire not being his fault. He wanted to figure out why Isaac was the one person who could do that, but before he really got the chance to consider it, Isaac’s warmth and his steady heartbeat lulled him into a sort of half sleep.

 

Derek managed to untangle himself from Isaac just before he woke. If Isaac had been a werewolf for longer, he probably would’ve been able to tell that Derek’s scent beside him was still fresh. Derek was greatly relieved when Isaac didn’t seem to notice. He wasn’t sure what he would’ve said if Isaac had brought it up. But he didn’t. Isaac merely murmured one more thank you to Derek as he started the Camaro to drive Isaac to school.

 

“It's the questions we can't answer that teach us the most. They teach us how to think. If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact. But give him a question and he'll look for his own answers.”

― Patrick Rothfuss

 

**Chapter 3: To Build A Home**

“Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse...and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.”

― Rick Riordan

 

“-and that is why Batman is undoubtedly the best superhero of all time. Oh, pizza!” Stiles exclaimed as Derek walked in carrying several boxes.

 

“Thank God, I thought he’d never shut up!” Erica quipped.

 

Derek merely rolled his eyes and set the pizza boxes down on the table. Soon Scott, Stiles, Erica, Boyd, and Isaac were all stuffing their faces as Derek looked on. He wasn’t sure how he’d let it happen, but somehow Stiles had started these pack nights where they would all get together, eat pizza, and watch movies.

 

It was a Friday, and it had been a fairly quiet week as far as supernatural occurrences, so they were more relaxed than usual. They were at Stiles’ house since the Sheriff was working the night shift.

 

“Hey! Who took the last pepperoni?” Scott whined from his spot next to Stiles.

 

“Stop complaining, you always get the most pizza,” Erica shot back.

 

Soon they had all finished and were curled up watching Thor (upon Stiles’ request). Derek hated to admit it, but he sort of liked nights like these where the pack got together just to relax and enjoy each other’s company. It reminded him of his family and how when he was growing up there were always lots of pack members around. He missed that more than anything, that feeling of security, that feeling of comfort.

 

Pack nights also caused a twinge of sadness in Derek’s stomach as well because he couldn’t help but feel that the rest of the pack would be perfectly happy without him there on those nights even though he was their alpha. Actually, being their alpha seemed to be part of the problem. He wasn’t friends with any of them; he wasn’t even the same age as the rest of them. They didn’t need him here to pretend he was a part of their bonding.

 

But still, the pack always tried to make an effort to get him to join them in their puppy piles while they watched movies. Stiles would ramble on and on about how he was the leader of the pack and needed to set an example with Scott echoing him, Erica and Boyd would try to tackle him, and Isaac would look up at him with those puppy dog eyes of his. Derek always refused although Isaac and his quiet stares made him desperately want to go over and sit next to him, to be part of the group, but he just couldn’t do it.

 

So Derek would stand in the doorway or sit off to the side watching over the pack until they eventually fell asleep. Sometimes he would even try to get some sleep himself, but he usually ended up outside looking up at the stars lost in thought. But that particular night he was sitting in Stiles’ kitchen when Isaac startled him out of his thoughts.

 

Derek couldn’t help but notice how innocent Isaac looked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His clothes were rumpled, and his t-shirt lay slightly twisted across his torso. He ran a hand distractedly through his messy curls, and Derek couldn’t stop himself from wondering what it would feel like to run his own fingers through those messy, golden locks.

 

“Sorry,” Isaac mumbled. “I just came to get some water.”

 

Derek remained silent. He could tell from the slight blush coloring his cheeks that the boy had probably been woken by yet another nightmare, but Derek decided not to mention it.

 

“What are you doing out here?” Isaac asked softly as he moved around him to get a glass from the cabinet and fill it with water.

 

“Just thinking,” Derek sighed running a hand over his face.

 

Isaac stared at Derek as he slowly sipped his water. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but abruptly closed it again. Derek merely raised an eyebrow clearly indicating that he wanted to know what Isaac was having trouble spitting out.

 

“You know, you are a part of this pack, right?” Isaac said all at once. “I mean, you are the one who bit Erica, Boyd, and I.”

 

Derek barely stopped himself from gaping at Isaac. He didn’t really know what he was expecting him to say, but that certainly wasn’t it.

 

“Yeah, well, maybe that wasn’t the right thing to do,” Derek finally replied. “I took advantage of you.”

 

You’re a good person, Derek,” Isaac looked at his feet. “I mean, you blame yourself for so many things that aren’t your fault, and I don’t think you even realize all that you’ve done for Boyd and Erica and I. You gave us a family. A much better one than I ever had.”

 

Isaac barely whispered the last part, and if it weren’t for his wolf hearing, Derek probably wouldn’t have understood him. Derek didn’t know how to respond to that, and Isaac must have decided the floor was immensely interesting because he wouldn’t look up.

 

“You should go get some more sleep,” Derek eventually spoke as he stood and walked over to Isaac taking the glass from his hand and setting it next to the sink.

 

“Yeah,” Isaac managed.

 

“And Isaac?” Derek paused. “Thanks.”

 

Isaac finally looked up at him with a small smile on his face, and before Derek knew what was happening, there were arms gently wrapping around him. He didn’t even have time to respond to the hug before Isaac pulled away and hurried out of the room. Derek spent quite a while standing staring after him. He felt the ghost of Isaac’s arms long after that short embrace, and he didn’t know what to think about the warm feeling it caused in his chest or how much he wanted to feel those arms around him again.

 

“Sometimes it's easy to walk by because we know we can't change someone's whole life in a single afternoon. But what we fail to realize it that simple kindness can go a long way toward encouraging someone who is stuck in a desolate place.”

― Mike Yankoski

 

**Chapter 4: All We Are**

 

“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family.”

― Jim Butcher

 

Derek sat in the dark running a hand tiredly over his face. His whole body screamed with exhaustion, but he couldn’t bring himself to sleep just yet. He needed to watch over Isaac to make sure he was okay.

 

It had been a long night, but the Kanima situation was finally taken care of. Not to say that it had been easy. Derek had been tossed around like a ragdoll for a good bit before the pack managed to take control of the fight. He wasn’t concerned about himself though. He was more concerned with Isaac who had taken a pretty good beating from Allison.

 

He hoped Isaac would sleep soundly through the night. First, because that would help with the healing process, but also because he was sure Isaac wouldn’t be happy to wake up to Derek keeping an eye on him. They had already had that discussion earlier that night.

 

_“Are you sure you’re alright?” Derek asked for what had to be the hundredth time in Isaac’s opinion._

_“Yes, Derek, I’m fine,” Isaac ground out._

_“I’m just saying, maybe we should go see Deaton. Have him take a look just to make sure.”_

_“Jesus Christ, Derek! I said I was fine. Why do you only treat me like this? I don’t see you asking about Erica or Boyd. You know, just because my dad would hit me doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself!”_

_Isaac’s stared at the floor, ears reddening in embarrassment even through his anger._

_“Isaac,” Derek said firmly. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. It’s my job as alpha to make sure you’re okay.”_

_“Yeah, whatever,” Isaac mumbled storming past him. “I’m gonna get some sleep.”_

_“Okay.”_

Derek cringed as he thought back on the conversation. If he was trying to be subtle about the fact that he might care about Isaac a little more than the others, he wasn’t doing a very good job. He couldn’t really help it though. He hated seeing him get hurt. He didn’t deserve to go through any more pain after all he’d been through. Derek didn’t mean to say that he pitied him in any way; he knew how strong Isaac was. He just wanted to protect him.

 

The more he thought about it though, the more he realized that it was his fault Isaac was in this situation to begin with. Derek was the one who bit him. Sure, Isaac had agreed, but he hadn’t really known what he was getting into.

 

Derek had been too desperate for that sense of pack that he had lost. He had spent so long living like the empty shell of a person, and he just wanted to feel alive again, to feel like something mattered, like he mattered. He’d spent the last six years of his life feeling as if there was nothing left inside him, like if he carved open his chest, he wouldn’t find anything. He felt like a ghost cursed to haunt the earth alone for the rest of eternity. Was it so wrong that he was tired of feeling like that? He didn’t know anymore.

 

It was too late to take any of it back though. He had already bitten Isaac, Erica, and Boyd. They were in constant danger because of hunters and monsters they’d never even dreamed of all because of him. He had to teach them how to protect themselves now, he had to keep them safe.

 

It wasn’t like it was all bad though. They had really grow into a pack of sorts even if it was a somewhat odd one. The betas had all learned to trust each other almost immediately. After all, they had all been on the outside at school. Isaac and Boyd had never laughed at Erica’s seizures, Erica and Boyd had never egged Jackson on as he beat Isaac up, and Isaac and Erica had never looked down on Boyd for always being alone. They all came from hardship, and they brought their own qualities with them from it.

 

Isaac was fiercely loyal. He’d learned what betrayal felt like when his own father laid his hands on him and his older brother did nothing to stop it. He’d learned what betrayal felt like when he saw people who knew what was happening pretend he didn’t exist. He’d learned what it was to live in pain and fear. Now that Isaac had the power to fight back, he did. He protected the people he cared about like they were precious jewels. He cared for them and comforted them. He would die before he let them go through what he had.

 

After Erica got bitten, she had become the brave one. She had lived her whole life cowering in corners waiting for her next seizure to hit. She had walked around with her head down and her shoulders hunched in an effort to disappear, to escape the mocking. But now, she was finally free. So she got strong, and she got angry, maybe even dangerously so. There wasn’t a fight she would back down from even if she knew she’d lose. She was tired of cowering and hiding. She wouldn’t go down without a fight.

 

Boyd added the level-headedness to the pack. He had walked alone for quite some time, so he had learned how to survive on his own. He’d learned what it was like to rely on his own mind for everything, how to think through the best possible options for every situation. So when he became part of the pack, he brought this knowledge, along with his newfound strength. He became the quiet voice of logic within the group. When Erica got too enraged and Isaac got over-protective, he would bring them back with his calm rationalizations.  

 

They really had become a family, and Derek truly cared for each one of them. They had given him a reason to live again, a reason to fight and that was more than he could ever repay them for. But it was Isaac who had this uncanny ability to set off this spark inside Derek that he’d never felt before. He made Derek feel like he could smile again, like he could laugh. He made Derek think that maybe he did deserve to be happy again.

 

Isaac was just so innocent, and it wasn’t because he hadn’t seen his fair share of horrors. He had, and yet, he still saw the best in the world. It was what made him somewhat of the baby of the pack. Everyone loved him. On pack bonding nights Scott, Stiles, Erica, and Boyd would all fight over who got to snuggle up next to Isaac during the movies. It was also what made Derek so desperately want to protect him from anything and everything that could hurt him. He wanted to protect that gentle nature of Isaac’s that he loved. The way his soft blue eyes lit up with joy when he was happy, the way his smile practically radiated light infecting everyone around him. His soft voice that you had to give your full attention to in order to hear. In short, those were the reasons Derek couldn’t stop himself from staying until he was satisfied that Isaac was okay.

 

“The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”

\- Helen Keller

 

**Chapter 5: You**

“To every person there are certain words that must not be said. To him, the words were a last resort, chosen with deadly precision. He watched her courage crumble and the light of her faith in him extinguished, but he could no more unsay them than a highwayman could call back a well-aimed bullet. He could only stand there, mute with pain at the wound he had inflicted, but holding firm for her sake against the river of remorse that nearly drowned him.”

-Unknown

 

“I don’t get it,” Isaac said to Derek’s back. “Did something happen?”

 

Derek stared at the rain pouring down against the window pain. He couldn’t turn around, couldn’t face Isaac. He knew what he had to do, but that didn’t make it any easier.

 

“It’s just not gonna work with both of you here,” he spoke simply. “I’ve got Cora now, it’s too much. I need you out tonight.”

 

“Where am I supposed to go?” Isaac scoffed, but Derek could hear the genuine question, the insecurity behind the façade.

 

“Somewhere else.”

 

“Did I do something wrong, Derek?” Isaac asked carefully.

 

Derek clenched his jaw. He had desperately hoped that Isaac would just accept his demand and leave without question. He didn’t want to force him out, didn’t want to have to make it seem like this was Isaac’s fault, but he would do it if it kept Isaac safe.

 

“You’re doing something wrong right now by not leaving,” He replied finally turning around and gesturing with the glass in his hand toward the door.

 

“Oh come on.”

 

“Get out.”

  
“Derek…please,” Isaac’s voice was softer now and his smirk was starting to falter.

 

“Get out,” Derek said more firmly.

 

“Come on…”

 

“GO!”

 

And with that, Derek threw the glass in his hand at Isaac, narrowly missing his head. Isaac immediately recoiled shielding his head with his hands. Eventually, he looked up again, and when Derek saw the expression in his eyes, he immediately felt sick. He saw the pain, the anguish, the betrayal that he’d seen so many time before when he’d woken Isaac from the terrors that were his dreams. But stronger than all those emotions was the look of resignation, like Isaac had always expected him to turn on him eventually, like Derek had just proved to him once again that he shouldn’t trust anyone. Derek didn’t know it was possible to hurt this much without any physical wounds, but he felt like he was being torn apart from the inside out. He want to run to Isaac and hold him and tell him that he hadn’t meant it, that he was trying to protect him.

 

By the time he managed to break out of his reverie, Isaac was gone. He stared at where he had last been standing. In the mist of his inner turmoil, Derek hadn’t even sensed him leave. He inhaled deeply wanting to breathe in Isaac’s calming scent, but it was too faint now to draw any real comfort from. He knew Cora was probably hiding around some corner of the loft, listening to everything, but he didn’t care.

 

“Isaac…” He whispered, his voice cracking as the tears started to fall.

 

This was his fault. He knew he had to force Isaac to leave because of what the alpha pack expected him to do, but he was sure Isaac thought it was all his fault, that he’d done something wrong, that he deserved it. He’d been through so much. Derek wished he could be a better alpha for him.

 

Finally, Derek pulled himself together enough to decide that he had to make sure Isaac was safe for the night. He was Derek’s responsibility. It was Derek’s fault he was in this mess. So he turned and strode out the door without a word to Cora. He figured she knew what he was doing, and he wasn’t ready to face anyone right now.

 

xxx

 

It wasn’t hard for Derek to figure out that Isaac had gone to Scott’s. Erica was gone. Stiles and Isaac weren’t close. There really wasn’t anywhere else for him to go. Plus, there was no way someone like Scott would turn him down if he asked to stay.

 

Derek made his way to Scott’s quickly. Once he arrived, he immediately went around to where he knew Scott’s bedroom to be and scaled the house moving quietly across the rooftop until he got a proper view into the window. The sight he was met with stirred up equal parts jealousy and guilt. Isaac was clinging to Scott, obviously crying, while Scott tried his best to comfort his friend.

 

Derek’s wolf howled at the idea of Isaac being in someone else’s arms even if it wasn’t in a romantic sense. Derek was the one who was supposed to protect Isaac, to offer him comfort, to hold him. But Derek was the one who had caused his pain which made his chest ache with guilt and once again made him want to run to Isaac and hold him and apologize again and again until every trace of pain had left Isaac’s innocent gaze.

 

But Derek managed to push back his wolf’s urges and stay where he was no matter how much it hurt him to see Isaac in pain. He stayed put as Isaac slowly ran out of tears, and Scott got up to get him some spare clothes. He stayed put as Isaac went to the bathroom with clothes in hand, presumably to take a shower. He stayed put when Isaac came back out dressed in dry clothes, arms wrapped protectively around himself. He stayed put as Scott offered Isaac his bed and Scott took the floor. He stayed put as he watched Isaac slowly drift off to sleep curled up in the smallest ball Derek had ever seen.

 

At this point, Derek was soaked to the bone. It was still raining quite hard, and the cold had begun to seep into his bones. He hadn’t taken a jacket with him, so he was only wearing a Henley and jeans. Werewolves had higher body temperatures, but even they had a limit to the amount of cold they could endure. His teeth were beginning to chatter, but simply clenched his jaw. He refused to leave just yet.

 

xxx

 

Derek had barely returned to the loft when he sensed Scott approaching. He hadn’t ended up leaving Scott’s house until well into the waking hours of the morning. The only reason he’d actually left was because he’d expected Scott to come over to yell at him for kicking Isaac out.

 

“Derek?” Scott’s voice called as he knocked on the door.

 

Derek didn’t answer, but he knew Scott could sense him, so Scott would come in anyway. And he did. Stormed in actually. Derek didn’t move from his position standing in front of the windows.

 

“What the hell, Derek?!” Scott exclaimed once he got over to him. “You threw a glass at him? Are you insane? You know what his dad did to him. What were you trying to accomplish?”

 

Derek didn’t respond, choosing to continue to stare out the windows instead.

 

“Hey!” Scott yelled grabbing Derek by the collar of his shirt and slamming him against the wall. “I’m asking you why you kicked Isaac out. I think he deserves an explanation, I mean, that was a pretty shitty thing to do even for you.”

 

Derek didn’t even flinch. He just let himself get pushed around. He couldn’t even look Scott in the eye, so he stared at the ground.

 

“Derek?” Scott faltered.

 

He’d never seen Derek like this. He’d certainly never seen Derek not fight back.

 

“Did something happen?”

 

Still no response.

 

“Did the alpha pack threaten you?”

 

Derek’s eyes finally met Scott’s. And for the first time since he came, Scott noticed that Derek’s clothes were wet, and his skin was cold to the touch.

 

“That’s it, isn’t it?” Scott spoke. “You’re trying to protect him. And you followed him last night, didn’t you? That’s why you’re soaked.”

 

“Yes…” Derek’s voice was barely above a whisper. He met Scott’s eyes once more. “You can’t tell him. If you do, he’ll try to come back, and it’s not safe for him. He’s better off staying with you. _Please_.”

 

Scott was gaping at this point. Derek was _begging._ Derek didn’t beg for anything, _ever._ He let go of Derek’s shirt and dropped his hands back to his sides.

 

“Uh, yeah, sure man,” he replied awkwardly. He didn’t know how to act around this Derek.

 

Scott turned to leave realizing he was going to leave with way more questions than he’d arrived with when Derek’s voice stopped him.

 

“Take care of him, please,” Derek spoke softly, his head down.

 

“I will.”

 

“I guess what scares me the most now is the thought that I won't be able to protect you”

― Julia Hoban

**Chapter 6: Hate Me**

“Do you know what it’s like to hate yourself so much you drive the ones you love away to spare them from having to deal with your constant problems and the pain you cause?”

-Unknown

 

Derek stared at Cora wishing he could will her to get better with his concerned gaze. But she continued to writhe and sputter and she coughed up more and more black blood. Her body was covered in a thick sheen of sweat causing her hair to stick to her forehead. Derek reached out to gently brush it behind her ear before once again clasping his hands beneath his chin. He hated feeling so helpless.

 

“She’s dying isn’t she?” Isaac murmured as he quietly approached the bed where Cora lay.

 

“I don’t know,” Derek mumbled looking down.

 

“So what are you going to do?” Isaac questioned eying him carefully.

 

“I don’t know,” Derek replied once again his voice almost breaking.

 

“Wanna figure something out?” Isaac said carefully. “Cause while Scott and Stiles were out there trying to help people from being killed, you were rolling around the sheets with the actual killer!”

 

Derek flinched at Isaac’s tone. He accepted the accusation, but it didn’t make it any less painful to hear out loud especially coming from Isaac of all people.

 

“Do you get how many people she’s killed? Erica and Boyd are dead, Cora is dying, and you are doing nothing!” Isaac paused and knelt down to Derek’s level. “Why’d you do this to us Derek? Was it all about the power? Were you bored? Were you lonely?”

 

Derek stared intently at the ground before glancing up to meet Isaac’s eyes.

 

“Maybe.”

 

He couldn’t bare the look Isaac was giving him so he quickly averted his gaze again before continuing.

 

“I told Cora I wouldn’t leave,” He said firmly. “I’ll help the others when I figure out how to help her.”

 

“There’s no time!” Isaac yelled.

 

Derek barely managed to keep from flinching again.

 

“The full moon’s coming,” Isaac continued. “The Sheriff and Melissa are gonna be dead, so I’m gonna try to help them. You can sit here and perfect the art of doing nothing.”

 

Isaac practically spat the last words as he yanked open the door to the loft and exited slamming the door behind him. Derek listened to the sound of Isaac’s footsteps until he was out of range. He sunk back in his chair with a sigh.

 

Isaac was more than right about him. Everything was his fault. Erica and Boyd. Jennifer. God, how could he be so stupid? He had trusted her even after everything that happened with Kate. He should have known better. The only reason he had gone to her in the first place was because he was dying. He needed someone to make him feel something, someone to tell him he mattered, and she had been the only one around. That was all. He wished he had been able to go to Isaac instead, but then again he was glad that he couldn’t have. Isaac deserved so much better, and so far, he’d been able to control himself, to keep himself away from Isaac. Not that he couldn’t still feel his wolf desperately wanting to be near him, telling him was he knew all along; Isaac was his mate. But he wouldn’t give in because Isaac deserved the best, and he wasn’t even close. And besides, there was no way Isaac’s wolf thought of him as a mate.

 

Maybe it was for the best that Isaac had yelled at Derek. Maybe that meant he finally hated him, finally realized what a failure he was and would always be. Maybe now Isaac could do what was best for him. Derek certainly hoped that was the case.

 

Unfortunately for him, at that very moment Scott was explaining to Isaac all Derek had done to protect him. He told Isaac how Derek kicked him out because of what the alpha pack did, and he had kept a vigil over him, and he had made Scott promise to take care of him. Everything Derek didn’t want Isaac to know he had done. Everything that would undermine his hope of Isaac hating him so he could do what was best for himself without worrying for Derek.

 

“And it’s hard to hate someone once you understand them.”

— Lucy Christopher

 

**Chapter 7: Say Something**

“There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you. And there are others who will understand without you even speaking a word.”

— Yasmin Mogahed

Derek stared at the loft. He had to leave. He knew he had to. The fight with the alphas was over, and Jennifer was gone for good. But Erica was dead and so was Boyd. They were dead because of him. Cora had almost died. The Sheriff, Melissa, and Argent had almost gotten sacrificed. So many people had gotten hurt because he hadn’t been able to protect them. It was his fault. He was a failure as an alpha, as a brother, as a friend, as a person in general. He couldn’t manage to do anything right.

 

And then there was Isaac, the boy he refused to admit he loved. Isaac who was soft and gentle and sweet like the first warm breeze of spring. Isaac who was strong and loyal and kind, who was always there for the people he cared about, who always did the right thing. Derek wanted nothing more than to run to him and cry. To fall to his knees and let Isaac hold him until he didn’t feel quite so broken because Isaac could do that for him. But he couldn’t do that to Isaac. If he stayed, Isaac would get hurt, and he wouldn’t let that happen. He was beyond damaged, and he would destroy Isaac’s beauty, his grace. He didn’t deserve Isaac.

 

“Derek?” Isaac whispered. “I know you’re leaving.”

 

Derek felt Isaac’s breath on the back of his neck just before he felt his hands softly resting on his shoulders before running down his arms. He tried not to think about how much that simple gesture comforted him or the fact that he was so comfortable around Isaac that he hadn’t even heard him approach.

 

“Don’t go,” Isaac breathed. “Don’t leave me.”

 

Derek’s breath hitched in his throat. God, he wanted to stay. He wanted to let Isaac pull him in and never let him go, but he couldn’t do that. He loved Isaac too much.

 

“Derek,” Isaac breathed once again, slowly turning Derek to face him.

 

Derek told himself to stay with his back to Isaac, but he couldn’t stop himself from turning. Isaac’s hands found their way up his chest to his face where they hovered over his jaw until all of a sudden Isaac’s lips were capturing his own. Derek melted into those lips. They were warm and soft, and Isaac was being so gentle he almost wanted to cry.

 

“Don’t…” Derek finally managed pushing Isaac back slightly.

 

“I know you think you’re protecting me, but you’re not,” Isaac looked straight into his eyes, challenging him to disagree.

 

Derek clenched his jaw and didn’t reply. Isaac tried to close the gap between them, but Derek kept him firmly at arm’s length. His wolf whined at him to get closer to Isaac, to wrap him up in his arms and bury his face in Isaac’s neck, so he could breathe in that familiar scent, but he refused. Isaac looked up at him, the hurt evident in his clear blue eyes.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Isaac implored.

 

Derek stared at the floor. He couldn’t stand looking into those blue eyes that were brimming with unshed tears. He was honestly afraid to speak. He didn’t know if he would be able to lie to Isaac anymore even if it was what was best.

 

“For Christ’s sake, Derek!” Isaac shouted making him flinch. “Stop pretending! I know why you kicked me out. I know what the alpha pack tried to make you do, and I know that you made sure Scott would do everything in his power to protect me! I know you care about me, so please just say something! The alpha pack is gone. The Darach is gone. We’re safe now. I’m safe. And I love you. You don’t have to keep punishing yourself for things that aren’t your fault. Just let it go. You don’t deserve to blame yourself for everything.”

 

Now it was Derek’s turn to look up at Isaac with watery eyes. There Isaac was full of innocence and honesty despite all he had been through in his short life. Derek didn’t understand how he managed to hold on to that innocence, but he was terrified that the world would rip it from him. Derek was afraid that he himself would be the one to destroy Isaac’s belief that the world was still a good place full of good people because God knows how long ago he stopped believing in such things.

 

“Please, say something, Derek,” Isaac was begging now.

 

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Derek eventually managed in a strained voice.

 

“I want you to tell me the truth.”

 

“The truth is I don’t love you. I was protecting you because you were my beta, so you were my responsibility, but now you’re not. I’m not an alpha anymore. You’re not a part of my pack, you’re part of Scott’s. I don’t have a pack anymore. I don’t have anyone here I care about anymore. I have no reason to stay.”

 

And with that, Derek pushed past Isaac so he could get outside before the tears started to fall because then Isaac would know he was lying. If Isaac wasn’t quite so blinded by hurt, he probably would’ve been able to hear the change in Derek’s heartbeat that gave him away, but Derek’s words had distracted him too much.

 

Once outside, Derek ran until he couldn’t move another step and fell to his knees. He wanted to scream, to howl with agony, but that would just bring the attention of the other werewolves to him. What had he done? It was supposed to be the right thing, but then why did he want to tear off his own skin? Why did it seem like the hot tears would never stop pouring from his eyes? Why did he feel like he couldn’t breathe, like someone had sealed his lungs shut?

 

He decided it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how broken he was; after all, he had always been broken. He could handle it. Isaac would go back to Scott, and eventually, he would forget about Derek. He would be safe with the pack. He would be happy. And that was all Derek wanted.

 

“Having a low opinion of yourself is not modesty. It’s self-destruction.”

— Bobby Sommer

 

**Chapter 8: I Want To Know What Love Is**

“Knowing is the easy part, it’s saying it out loud that’s hard.”

—        The Horse Whisperer

 

Derek had made it about 100 miles out of Beacon Hills when he decided he needed to stop for a while. There were just too many thoughts vying for his attention, and he felt like his head was ready to explode. So he pulled over in some random town at some random park.

 

The fresh air hit him like the first gasp of air to a nearly drowned man. He reveled in the sensation while walking over to the nearest bench to sit. He closed his eyes and focused on his senses. He felt the roughness of the old wooden bench beneath him. He could practically taste the dampness in the air like it was about to rain, and he could smell the remnants of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that children who had spent noontime at the park must have eaten. But above all that, he could hear the voice of a young boy playing.

 

“Look at me,” he called to his mother. “Look at me!”

 

Derek opened his eyes to search out the boy on the playground. When he located him, he nearly stopped breathing. The boy had stunningly clear deep blue eyes that were dancing with glee as he smiled up at his mother. Derek had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat as the boy’s mother laughed and scooped him up into a hug as he giggled.

 

“Can we get ice cream?” The boy asked excitedly as his mother put him down.

 

“I don’t know, honey. I think it’s going to rain.”

 

“Please?” The little boy begged giving his mother the second best puppy dog eyes Derek had ever seen.

 

“How can I say no to that face?” His mother laughed. “Okay, lead the way, buddy.”

 

“Yay!” The boy exclaimed as he raced off in what Derek assumed was the direction of their car.

 

Derek took a deep breath as the two disappeared from view. As the seconds past, and he got a hold of himself again, he started to wonder if he had imagined the whole thing. _But those eyes._ Those were Isaac’s eyes. He wasn’t sure if the striking resemblance made it more or less likely that it had been a figment of his imagination, but witnessing the whole exchange had made his heart ache for more than one reason.

 

He had been reminded of his own mother. Back when he and the other children of the pack were young, they had to learn to control their shifts, so they could assimilate into the world of humans. His mother had come up with her own system of encouragement of sorts. She’d often offer trips to the park or for ice cream or other outings as rewards for keeping in control of their abilities. He remembered her smiling down proudly at him as he’d mastered each new skill she taught him. The memories made him want to smile, but he couldn’t bring himself too even after all this time.

 

Seeing that little boy’s eyes as he interacted with his mother had caused Derek to wonder about Isaac’s mom. He realized he didn’t know a thing about her other than what Isaac had said that one night Derek had woken him from one of his nightmares. He wondered if Isaac had used his irresistible puppy dog eyes on his mother when he wanted something. He probably had. Maybe that’s who he perfected the technique with. Derek hoped Isaac’s mother had loved him more than anything. Isaac deserved someone in his family who truly cared for him.

 

And that’s when Derek realized that maybe he wasn’t doing the right thing. Maybe he wasn’t doing what needed to be done to protect Isaac. Maybe he was simply leaving Isaac with another scar caused by another person leaving him behind, making him believe he wasn’t worth sticking round for. Isaac would blame himself; he would think that everything Derek had done that had hurt him was because he deserved it. Derek knew he would. It was what he did with his mother and brother and especially his father. Derek couldn’t do that to him. He couldn’t be the reason for Isaac’s suffering.

 

He finally understood. He’d never be able to fix Isaac no matter how badly he wanted to. He couldn’t take away pain of a father’s fists or the loss that accompanies having to grow up much too soon. He couldn’t even give him the comfort of knowing he would never get hurt again. He couldn’t take away Isaac’s pain, but he could be there. He could be there with his wounds weeping for his own grief, his own suffering. He could open himself up and stand by Isaac through their shared pain. And maybe that would be enough. And maybe it wouldn’t, but what else could he do?

 

And with that, he threw back his head and howled. He howled for Isaac’s anguish as well as his own. He swore to his mother wherever she may be that he would make her proud. He would follow her example and gather his courage to return to Isaac because that was the right thing to do. He hoped she was watching over him somewhere.

 

xxx

 

Derek made it back to Beacon Hills in just under two hours. He had broken the speed limit most of the way, but he couldn’t care less. He had to do this before he lost his nerve. He had to prove to himself that he could do something right.

 

He wasn’t sure why, but he immediately went to the loft when he returned. If he had thought it through, it would have been more logical to go to Scott’s seeing as that’s where Isaac had been living when he left. But as soon as he entered the loft, he knew Isaac was there.

 

He walked slowly taking in the familiar scents of the pack, but the strongest scent was Isaac’s. He followed it, finding Isaac curled up in _his_ bed with one of _his_ pillows clutched to his chest. Derek felt his chest swell at the idea of Isaac sleeping in his bed when he heard a soft whimper. His attention quickly focused back on Isaac, and he saw that Isaac’s brow was furrowed and his face was pale and sweaty.

 

“No…don’t…stop,” Isaac pleaded quietly.

 

Derek’s heart clenched as he watched Isaac writhe, battling yet another nightmare. Before even taking half a second of consideration, he was sliding under the blanket next to Isaac and wrapping his arms around the lithe teen. Isaac stiffened at first, but Derek just held on tighter until he felt Isaac’s muscles relax beneath his skin.

 

“It’s okay,” he whispered kissing Isaac’s temple gently. “You’re safe.”

 

Isaac unconsciously shifted closer, and Derek simply held him as he felt him ease into a more restful sleep, one that wasn’t lurking with demons. He wondered how long it had been since Isaac had slept more than an hour or two without slipping into a nightmare. Back when they lived together, Isaac would usually stay awake after Derek woke him from a nightmare.   Derek was never sure if it was because he didn’t want to bother him or if he was afraid of going back to sleep. Either way, it didn’t matter anymore. He was here for Isaac now, and he wasn’t planning on leaving.

 

xxx

 

Derek awoke to the feeling of someone struggling. The sun was shining brightly through the windows burning his eyes. It took his several seconds to realize he was with Isaac and that they must have slept through the entire previous afternoon and night. It was then that he turned to Isaac who was still trying to free himself from Derek’s firm grip. His blue eyes were cold, and Derek felt his stomach drop.

 

“Isaac…” he started unsure of what exactly he wanted to say.

 

Isaac pointedly looked away refusing to meet Derek’s gaze.

 

“Please…” Derek whimpered when he realized that Isaac might actually leave him at that very moment.

 

Isaac paused in his attempts to separate himself from Derek and spared him a glance when he heard his voice crack.

 

“Just…listen….I’m sorry,” Derek forced the words past the lump in his throat. “I shouldn’t have left. I didn’t mean any of the things I said. Scott was right about everything he told you, and you were right too….I…I love you.”

 

It was Derek’s turn to break eye contact. He couldn’t bear to have Isaac reject him now that he had laid his feelings out there. God, he wasn’t used to being this vulnerable.

 

“I love you too,” Isaac sad softly.

 

Derek looked up at him once more, and he saw that once again those big blue eyes had been able to catch onto all the things he had left unsaid: a promise that he would never leave again, the fear that what happened in all his past relationships would happen again, his desperation to protect Isaac, his fear that he wasn’t good enough for Isaac. And what’s more, Derek could see similar worries and promises in Isaac’s eyes. He had worries about what his dad had done affecting him as well as the nightmares, and promises to always be loyal and honest because that’s just who he was.

 

They stared at each other for a long time drinking in the words they were too afraid to say out loud to one another. And when their lips finally met, it wasn’t mind-blowing or other-worldly, it was the soft start of something new. It was a gentle promise that they would simply be there by each other’s sides for as long as they needed each other. It wasn’t perfect, and it probably never would be, but it was the one thing that had been missing from both their lives for so long: love.

 

“It was once said that love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.”

-Unknown


End file.
